HLA universe one shots
by ewab
Summary: A collection of stories set in the same Universe as the HLA dating story. based on deadliest catch. not in any kind of chronological order or anything.
1. Chapter 1

this story is set during the HLA dating story, when Jake Harris is flown home to be with his girlfriend after she gave birth.

Clearly I dont own anything but the persons I made up myself.

For the second time within a year Jake felt like kissing the ground. Only this time he wasn't physically able too. Because Boris was holding him up. And even if he hated to admit it, he really needed the support.

This was so definitely the first and last time ever he was going to fly in a MIG, no matter what would happen, Jake swore to himself he would never get into a plane with Boris again. And never ever in a MIG. The idiot had flown upside down for pretty much most the time. And his reason was that that way the pucke didn't get into the fragile electronics but stayed on the Plexiglas cover. That it was the flying upside down was the reason Jake was pucking his guts out that wasn't very important. And he didn't just do some projectile vomiting, the other end of his digestive system also went into overdrive. And that was the reason Boris was holding him by the armpits with his arms stretched out.

Only good thing right now as far as Jake was concerned was that it was Boris his job to get the flight suit cleaned up again. Some small revenge. But at this moment all he wanted was to get out if it and into a hot shower and then some clean clothes.

Once Jake got cleaned up and on his way home he started to feel a bit more like himself. He was still quite happy with the idea that Boris was stuck with the flight suit from hell, but other than that he was starting to look forward to seeing his girlfriend and baby.

Little did he know that it had been a false alarm and that there was no baby yet. But by the time he opened the door he knew, because he had his arms full with a very excited and happy Hilde. And men had she grown. But he remembered his lessons, no mention of fat or belly's within earshot of a pregnant female. And right now he wasn't even thinking about that. Because to Jake Hilde had never looked better. The flight from hell and the hazing in Dutch where forgotten, Jake was going to show his lady all that he had learned.

To say that Hilde was appreciative would be an understatement, as she made perfectly clear to Lindsy during their phone conversation. And Jake wasn't complaining during the next week either. He was exhausted but not complaining.

During one of the sessions. Going for position number 21 again, and now with the appropriate padding and bracing, Jake suddenly noticed that he was getting wet. Very wet, and the water wasn't exactly coming from where it was supposed to come. Add to that the fact that Hilde was pretty much screaming in pain and it is clear why Jake started to panic. It was up to Hilde to get everything going. Instructing Jake to get the overnight bag from by the door and helping her into the car to get to the hospital. On the way she called her brother and JJ for support. Both Helmuth as JJ where still in Seattle so both where on route within minutes. Helmuth was at the hospital even sooner that Jake and his sister, JJ took a bit longer.

In the hospital the nurse took Hilde away to settle her in a room and Jake and Helmuth where left in the waiting room for a few minutes until they could join the expecting mom. It was a quiet time in the hospital so the doctor came by to talk to the daddy to be to explain how things were going to go. This doctor wasn't really a sadist but he did derive a unhealthy enjoyment from seeing these new dads going into a nervous breakdown. And within two minutes he knew he was going to enjoy this delivery.

Because Jake wasn't just nervous he was also feeling guilty. And he just had to know that he was seeing ghost, that what they had been doing had nothing to do with the fact that the baby had decided that he or she wanted to be born right then. So he just had to ask.

"Hu Doctor…. is there any chance that the baby is… well is it possible that….. I don't know if…. What I need to know is…..?"

All the time avoiding all eye contact and turning bright red. If the doctor didn't know any better he would think there was something very interesting on the floor just to the left of his feet. But the doc did know better. He had this question before, and after letting Jake stumble for a bit more he answered. Only neither had noticed that Helmuth was paying close attention to the discussion going on.

"You mean, is it possible that the delivery is triggered by having intercourse?"

All Jake could do was nod, by know he is so red that the doc is fearing his earlobes will explode.

"yes it can… but only if the baby is a terme, and Hilde has been now for over two weeks, she is 38 weeks pregnant and it is the right time for the baby to be born. So don't worry."

Only Jake has zoned out after the Yes it can. He is going down in a fast spiral to the deepest pit of self guilt ever. In his frantic imagination he sees Barak Obama standing on a pew in front of thousands of people saying : Yes it can. And pointing a accusing finger at Jake standing on a scaffolding in front of the crowd. It is all your fault.

And Helmuth has zoned out at about the same moment and is about to attack Jake when the nurse comes into the waiting room and without ceremony she takes Jake by his elbow and starts dragging him into the delivery room. She is a veteran of the delivery ward and knows what these young new dads are like, and also what the doc is like, so she saves the boy by getting him away from the doc and with the show of getting a baby. Helmuth hot on their heels.

The moment Helmuth enters the room he tears into Jake, first just with screaming and shouting but soon fist are flying. Hilde is trying to get up but she is already hooked up with an IV with happy juice, so she can't. the nurse is in doubt for about a second and then decided that the men are welcome to kill each other but that the pregnant lady is supposed to stay in bed.

The fight is remarkably even matched. Sure Jake is smaller than Helmuth, but he is a lot stronger and more used to the physical part. But Helmuth didn't grow up in a succession of boarding schools without learning some street fighting ways. Just at the moment when both combatants are going for the throats JJ walks into the room with the doctor.

Taking action right away JJ steps in between and pushes Helmuth in the direction of the doctor and the doc takes the hint and holds on for dear live. With Helmuth taken care of JJ concentrates on a livid Jake. Shock therapy is needed and JJ is just the one to give it.

He takes Jake's face in a death grip between his hands and swoops down to kiss the boy flush on the lips. The effect is immediate, both combatants freeze with shock. The doctor too by the way, Hilde starts giggling hysterically. Leaving both the nurse and JJ in control of the situation.

And since the nurse knows who goes where best she takes charge. Steering Jake to a seat next to the bed where Hilde is still giggling until the next contraction hits here. Helmuth to the other side of the bed next to JJ who keeps him cornered there and the doctor snaps out of his stupor in time to check up on Hilde and then make his escape.

After the contraction is over Helmuth and Jake want to resume their fighting but both the nurse and JJ put a stop to that. Leaving the two noting but staring daggers at each other. But soon they even forget about that because even with the happy juice Hilde isn't enjoying giving birth. Jake bears the brunt of her anger. She is cursing in like five different languages and he gets what she means even if she is screaming in Finnish. That combined with his guilt trip isn't making his live any easier, so Jake is considering where he is going to live now, because Hilde has taken over his house.

Then the crying of a little perfect baby is on the air, all fighting is forgotten, Hilde is on cloud nine with the little red wet thing on her chest. The nurse asks Jake if he wants to cut the umbilical cord. And on autopilot Jake does everything anybody tells him to do. So he cuts the umbilical cord, follows his baby on the way to the baby bath where she is cleaned up. And after he just sits with his baby girl in his arms on the chair next to Hilde. Tears streaming down his face, and totally in love with this little precious girl that is now his. His to take care of, to protect, love, raise. His daughter.

ps: If you want me to write and publish more. give me feedback. I trive on it.


	2. Chapter 2

This story is set at the end of opie season. it is a sad one. I decided to be in denial about Phil's passing but had to write a sad story.

He is daydreaming again, and he likes it. The flight is pretty uneventful anyway. The only other thing to do is talking to his kids about what the plans are once they get home. Well if that are the options. He prefers his daydreaming about his own plans. And the last welcome he got is a good place to start.

Today is the second time he gets home to his Lindsy after a long season of fishing. If the first time set the standard than Phil isn't complaining.

Settling back in to the uncomfortable seat trying to find a good spot and failing miserably, blocking out the droning from the engine Phil goes into daydreaming mode. He knows he has a silly grin on his face but he really doesn't care who sees it or what they might think about it.

The flight had been uneventful that time too. The three of them got to the pickup area in good time all eager to see little Tahti. Jake running even and leaving his bags for Phil and Josh to take care of. And they didn't mind one bit, following Jake at more of a leisure pace. It was easy to spot Jake holding his little darling. She was strapped in her buggy. A gorgeous baby girl all in pink, with the biggest bluest eyes Phil had ever seen. And she was just learning to smile, and smile she did. With that smile she stole the two Harris hearts she hadn't met before. It was done within 2 seconds and Phil knew he was hooked to that smile for the rest of his live.

While he and Josh where getting to know Tahti Lindsy hung back for a bit. Jake was taking his time to greet Hilde with some big kisses and that gave Phil an idea, where was his wife. The second Phil looked up to find her she was draped all over him. The drive home in the corvette was fast and exhilarating, with hands wandering in dangerous places, good thing they didn't get pulled over. The minute he entered his home she was pushing him up the stairs, where a hot bubble bath was waiting. She ordered him to strip and start washing because he stank of fish, promising him better things in the future.

Slightly disappointed Phil got into the tub alone because Lindsy left right away, but only to be back within 10 minutes with a plate full with the most wonderful food he had seen since going to Alaska. Phil just grabbed it and more or less inhaled it within seconds. By the time he looked up again Lindsy was also ready to get into the tub with him.

"Move forwards please."

And hey if that was the way she wanted it Phil was fine with it, he didn't really understand, normally she got in front of him but he wasn't going to complain. After she got in he settled back against her chest and he enjoyed the feeling of her washing his hair and all of his body she could reach. Soon he fell asleep with Lindsy holding him up. She only woke him when the water became too cold. Then they moved the show to the bed, where she told him to lay down on his belly and gave him a complete body massage. Or so he thinks, because he fell asleep again. But by the time he woke up he was feeling more relaxed, rested and horny than ever before so shortly after coming home. And Lindsy was very willing to help him with the last of his feelings. So it was a great homecoming.

The plane was starting its decent when Jake elbowed him out of his daydream.

"Dad, time to buckle up, were landing."

Grunting Phil did what his son suggested. Now that he is awake again the last two weeks come back. Normally Lindsy called him once or twice a week to just talk to him, and if there was time some hot phone sex's, but the last two weeks he didn't hear a thing. Jake got his calls from Hilde, even Josh got a call from Helmuth. Those two had made up after their little tiff about Maria. Sure they don't live together anymore but they are still best buds. Josh isn't even stopping over in Seattle, he will be flying straight on to LA and Helmuth needed to know when to pick him up.

So Phil and Jake say goodbye to Josh on the airport and see him off on his next flight. Getting their bags didn't take much time, and once in the meeting area Hilde is easy to spot. Soon Jake is holding his girlfriend and baby. But no Lindsy. Phil is starting to get worried.

"Hilde, where's Lindsy?"

"Sorry Phil but I don't know. Haven't seen or heard from her for two weeks or so."

Hilde doesn't have time for much more, because both Tahti and Jake are eager to get going, the boy doesn't even think about offering his dad a ride home. So Phil has no other option than to take a cab.

When he gets home the place is dark. Opening the door Gizmo shoots past him to the nearest tree where she answers the call of nature and only after does Gizmo welcome him back home.

Inside it is a mess. The curtains are drawn, and it is clear that there hasn't been any cleaning done for over two weeks. Turning on the lights Phil sees his wife, sitting on the couch, clutching her knees, slowly rocking back and forwards staring at some papers on the coffee table. And she is looking, well, like shit. If he didn't know any better he would say she went for two weeks without sleep, food or a shower, really he has seen crab fishers after a hard season looking better. Only why?

"Lindsy? You okay?"

Squinting against the sudden lights Lindsy turns her face towards the sound but she hardly seems to register his question. Phil is really getting nervous now, slowly he approaches her, sitting down a few feet away. For some reason he is afraid to touch her.

"Lindsy, what is going on?"

Linsdy just looks blank for a bit then she answers.

"I don't want to talk about it, I need to be alone, I need to think."

And she just gets up and leaves. Leaving Phil sitting there, and before he has a chance to react she is out the door and away.

After a few more seconds Phil does the only thing he can think of. He calls JJ. If anybody knows what is going on it is him.

"Hey JJ. Its Phil. Do you know what is going on with Lindsy, it looks like she has stopped doing anything for two weeks now? And I am worried sick."

Only JJ didn't know anything either. He was worried about her though so when Phil spotted the letter and newspaper clipping that Lindsy had been staring at on the coffee table, JJ was on his way to figure out what it was all about. The decided to meet at Jake and Hilde's to talk about it.

Phil got to his sons place first. He had brought the papers he found on the coffee table with him and gave them to Hilde. Hilde only had to look at them to figure out a part of the problem.

"That's bompa's name. He's dead? I didn't hear a thing about that?"

"What do you mean bompa?"

"Well this newspaper clipping is about Lindsy's dad, if the date is right he died a little over a month ago. And the letter is a written a week after he died. I don't get it, why didn't Lindsy go to the funeral? Give me these I'll pull them thru the translator on the computer."

And with that Hilde parked herself behind her computer and within 10 minutes the letter was translated.

Hello Belinda.

As you can understand we are all a bit busy, but dad died. He had an accident when he climbed onto the roof to fix a leak. He hurt his head and was in a coma for two weeks, according to the doctors he was brain dead so we unhooked everything. The cremation was two days ago. But we didn't want to impose on you two love birds so don't give it a second thought.

Bye, your older sister.

Phil and JJ where about ready to fly to Europe and kill the bastards. Where did they get the nerve to think that Lindsy wouldn't fly over to be with her dad? It was Jake who was the voice of reason for a change.

"Okay, so now we know what's wrong, but where is Lindsy? And why didn't she tell anybody what was going on?"

JJ and Phil didn't have a clue as to where to look, but they were all for just driving around looking for her. Phil even wanted to call the police and report her missing. As for the second question, they didn't even want to think about why she kept everything to herself.

Hilde started thinking out loud.

"Lindsy isn't all that familiar in Seattle yet, it's not like she has any friends she can go to. The only places she really knows are your house, this place and the building site. We know she isn't here or at your place, so that leaves the building site."

The three men agreed and they all went to the building site, and sure there her car was. They spread out over the place, because it was a lot bigger than Phil had ever expected it to be.

Phil was the first to see her, slowly he made his approach.

"Lindsy, baby, I know what happened, and I am so sorry. Come here."

He enveloped her in a bear hug, squeezing her tightly. All the time talking to her. Asking why she didn't tell him what was going on. Not blaming her but just trying to figure it out. First she was rigid, trembling even with stress and exhaustion. Then all of a sudden she let go, clutching Phil's shirt with both her hands, burying her face in his shoulder and crying, sobbing her heart out. It lasted for about five or ten minutes before she started to calm down a bit. Slowly her breathing evened out a bit and after a few last hiccups she managed to look up and give Phil a watery smile.

"Thanks love. And sorry for being such a pain in the ass. It's just, I'm not used to people caring."

And that was all the answer Phil was going to get, but it was enough.

"Well you have people now who care, a lot. So let us, please?"

ps: again, if you like the one shots, let me know, feedback makes me write more.


	3. Chapter 3

Set in late spring early summer after Phil's and Lindsy's wedding. Just a funny one.

Josh, the lovesick puppy.

Phil woke up not sure why he did. Was there a sound?

Lying still in bed he listened if he could hear it again. But Lindsy was right on the money during their first holiday in Vanuatu, he was slightly deaf from all the engine noise.

No there it was again. There was somebody downstairs.

Shoving Lindsy to wake her up he slid out of bed and grabbed his robe.

"Wha?"

Lindsy was sitting up in bed and clearly not amused to be woken up this way.

"There is somebody downstairs, I'm going to check but just keep the phone handy to call for backup."

And with those encouraging words Phil was out the door leaving a rather stressed out Lindsy sitting on her bed. Her first action was to grab the phone and get 112 ready on speed dial.

Phil did his best to sneak down the stairs but that isn't exactly easy for a big and heavy man like him, on the bright side, the chance was that any thief's would run for their lives once they saw him.

The sounds where coming from the living room, it somehow sounded familiar. Softly opening the door Phil was met with an astounding sight.

There, stretched out over the couch was his oldest son. Fully dressed except for his shoes, and with stains on his cheeks. That combined with the collection of vodka bottle's and the stench of smoke, alcohol, stale sweat and puke told its own story to Phil. Only why would Josh be in his living room, passed out on his couch, last time he checked the kid was in LA playing manager. Too tired and sleepy to figure it out Phil just went to get a comforter and throw that over his drunkenly snoring kid.

Bending over while trying to get the thing to cover as much of Josh as possible Phil heard the living room door open and there was his wife. He still liked that, his wife. Looking like she was near a panic attack but also armed to the hilt with a baseball bat and ready to do some damage.

"SSSHHHHH it's just Josh."

Last thing that Phil wanted was for the drunken youngster to wake up, because than he would have to deal with, well whatever, in the middle of the night.

So just as stealthily as they went down stairs the two relatively newly weds went back to their bedroom, hoping that the sleeping train wreck would be gone by morning.

Early the next morning Lindsy got ready to check up on the new HLA headquarters for the USA. Once she got into the living room Josh made such a cute picture that she couldn't resist the temptation. Because there her stepson was. On his back with his hands over his head. He had kicked the comforter down and his T shirt had ridden up during the night leaving his belly exposed, slowly rising and falling with his breathing.

That expanse of nicely tanned skin with the spit bubbles blowing face on her couch was just to much for Lindsy so early in the morning. Kneeling down next to the couch she blew a raspberry on that smooth tanned skin.

Josh freaked and jumped up knocking Lindsy ass first onto the coffee table. That shattered into a thousand pieces and Lindsy shrieked at the top of her voice, more from surprise at Josh fast reaction than from fear or pain. But Phil didn't hear the difference. So he came down the stairs at breakneck speed only to find both Josh and Lindsy doubled over in laughter in his shattered living room.

Only Josh his laughter was short lived. Within five minutes he was back to hung-over and grumpy as can be.

And this time it was Lindsy's fault. She asked the wrong question.

"Hey Josh, where did you leave Helmuth? Is he with his sis?"

"Shut the Bleeb up, just shut up, I don't want to talk about it, leave me the bleeb alone."

And with that Josh stormed out of the sliding doors onto the yard. Phil wanted to follow his son and chew him out for cursing at his wife. ( he so still liked the sound of that).

Only Lindsy held him back.

"Yoy Phil, clothes."

Phil looked at himself and realised that he had once again stormed down the stairs to confront one of his kids in the buff. So muttering a lot of polite Beringsea nothings under his breath Phil made his way up the stairs again to get dressed.

Lindsy decided to just let Josh calm down on his own. She had seen him get shit faced drunk before and the kid had a great sense of survival and always ended up okay, so no need to worry about him. And she was not in any shape to deal with a grumpy Josh before she had something to eat and some tea anyway.

By the time Lindsy had eaten her breakfast Phil was in the yard talking to Josh. And by the look of it, it didn't go to well, Josh was crying and Phil seemed highly uncomfortable. All Lindsy was thinking was how to get out of here before they notice she was gone.

But no such luck. Just as she was sneaking towards her car Phil saw her and gave a shout.

So Lindsy ended up going to the building site with a still sniffling, but refusing to talk, Josh sitting next to her.

Starting to get nervous about her adoptive kid instead of her step kid she just drove a bit faster. At the building site she parked Josh in the office to talk to the contractors while she went outside to gather some intell on her geeks.

She started with Hilde, the girl was awake at stupid times anyway because it seemed Tahti had her dads lousy sleeping habits.

"Hey Hilde, what is going on with Helmuth and Josh? I have a seriously pissed off Josh here and he refuses to talk."

Fortunately Hilde had all the answers.

"Helmuth has a girlfriend." The happy in love if exhausted older sister was gushing with joy.

"And she moved in with him, and Josh cant stand her, so he has left in a fury yesterday. I will call Helmuth to tell him that Josh is save and over here."

"AHW how sweet, who is she, what is she like?"

Lindsy was going in mamma overdrive, and Hilde was more than happy to supply the info she had. Only that wasn't very much.

So it was decided that the two meddlesome females where flying to LA later that day to pay a surprise visit to Helmuth and lover.

The poor boy doesn't know what is going to hit him.

Ps. Feedback means more updates.


	4. Chapter 4

disclaimer: I dont own anything from deadliest catch or LA ink.

this story takes place before the HLA dating story. the first season of Jake Anderson and Josh Harris as greenhorns.

Smiley?

Most men waiting in line knew what was going on and they more or less accepted the fact that it was going to be one of those days, or weeks even. The plane just wasn't going to take off too Dutch Harbor today. The ones at the beginning of the line settled in to wait it out, the where first on the list if there was a plane going. The lucky ones who had managed to get a hotel room somewhere near the airport left their phone number to get a call if there was a second plane going and the unlucky ones where just stuck.

The blue eyed kid was stuck alright. And starting to panic, what on earth was he going to do? He had to be on his new boat tomorrow. He finally gotten a spot, thanks to his uncle who was a steady deckhand on the Northwestern. And now he was letting them all down because the weather wasn't playing along. He tried calling his uncle, but apparently the weather that prevented the plane from going also screwed up cell phone connections.

With nowhere to sleep and not enough foresight to bring any food with him Jake Anderson was really stuck between a rock and a hard place. But his luck was about to change, even if it came in a rather weird shape.

Looking for a place to sit Jake noticed the other youngster, a cocky skinny tall guy, black hair and piercings in his rather out sticking ears. The cocky guy walked right up to the desk and turned on the charm on the lady sitting behind it. And men this guy really was working it, and Jake was about to curse himself for going for the sad puppy dog approach. What if charm was the way to go? Only the cocky guy got the same result as all the others, no flights to Dutch today, unsure about tomorrow. So come back at 8 tomorrow morning, bye bye sir.

And the lady went on with her own things. No more thoughts or looks for the black haired charmer, to give the same speech to the next fisherman who was anxious to get to his boat.

While most of the fishermen Jake had seen so far would turn around and stalk of cursing, the cocky guy just shrugged his shoulders and fished his cell phone from his pocket, dialing a number while walking away.

"Hey pops, looks like I am stuck in town for a bit, no flights to Dutch. I'll try again tomorrow….. Yeah I'll let you know when I am flying out."

By now the cocky guy was next to Jake and noticed his stare.

"Hello, I'm Josh Harris, what's up?"

Automatically shaking the hand that was offered Jake couldn't help but stare some more. He knew that name.

"Yeah, I have to get to Dutch too, got a job as greenhorn on the Northwestern. Sig is going to be pissed off if I don't get there in time. Only I can't even get thru on the phone, how come yours is working? "

"Don't worry, Sig knows what the flights are like, he has been stuck here on more than one occasion as well. Need a place to crash for the night kid? And as far as the phone goes. My dad has state of the art stuff on his boat, not old junk like the Northwestern."

Suddenly remembering his manners Jake introduced himself.

"Sorry, I'm Jake Anderson, yeah I could use a place. And isn't your dad the captain of the Cornelia Marie?"

Josh grabbed his own and Jake's bag and started heading for the exit. With nothing else to do, and little choice Jake followed trying and failing to get his own bag back. Josh just kept walking and talking all the time.

"Yeah my dad is the captain of the CM, I am on my way to start as a greenhorn as well. Been a while since I worked on the boat. Did some work installing water towers, but that was boring. Its hell to find a place to sleep over here when there are no flight to Dutch at the start of the season, but I know a guy who lives around here. He never minds if I crash at his place, it is like a YMCA anyway. So don't be too keen on manners, or cleanliness for that matter, but keep your money safe. Then you'll be fine. You're not allergic to dogs or cats are you?"

Trying to keep up on both the tempo Josh set walking and talking Jake was stretched a bit, but no he had no allergies and very little money, so he would be fine.

After a brisk 45 minutes walk during which Jake learned more about Josh and the other Harrises than he ever thought possible in so short a time they had arrived at the guys house. To Jake it looked more like a overgrown shed, and it smelled a bit like a garbage dump. But it should be warm and dry in there and that was all he cared about at the moment.

Opening the door Josh was jumped by three of the biggest dogs Jake had ever seen. Josh didn't seem to mind, but Jake was a bit apprehensive when the biggest one shoved its nose into his crotch. But it seemed Jake smelled good enough, because after some sniffing the dog moved on and Jake was able to get inside. And yeah, the description YMCA was accurate, kind off. There where couches all over the place, and there where about 8 kids between 15 and 30 hanging around. Some of them said hi, but most seemed to be staring at the TV not reacting to anything. And there was a very loud game going on in one of the corners between two guys that had a few girls watching and shrieking with laughter.

That is until the backdoor opened and a huge guy with lots of tattoo's came in. The game got a bit more quite but the girls didn't seem to mind. The big guy carefully made his way around all the loungers, making sure not to step on anybody until he got to Josh. Josh got big, bone crushing hug and returned the favor, still talking pretty much non stop.

"Long time no see mate, I'm stuck, can we stay here for a bit?"

The mountain stepped back and clouted josh on the back a few times for good measure. Jake was sure he could hear the ribs breaking.

"Sure, make yourself at home, and give your friend the safety drill."

And with a wave in Jakes direction the mountain went back to where ever he came from leaving Josh and Jake to create a place to crash in the dorm.

Josh managed to push the dogs from one of the couches and flopped down on it. Jake decided that he preferred to share a couch with Josh over fighting with the dogs over his own place too crash.

"What is with the safety drill?"

Josh thought for a few seconds and then he remembered.

"This place is build next to the local dump, so if you want to go out for a smoke, take the dogs, they scare of the bears."

"BEARS?"

Jake is starting to realize that everybody here in Alaska is crazy.

"Yeah, but just blacks and grizzly's to far south for polar bears."

Somehow that isn't all that reassuring to Jake, but before he can ask anything more Josh is fast asleep. And he is tired as hell himself too, so soon Jake is also slumped down and snoring.

He wakes up because he is hot, way too hot. Trying to get the suffocating blanket of him isn't working because the thing growls and refuses to move.

Growls? Blankets don't growl. Jake wakes up almost screaming, only to notice that two of the big dogs have joined him on the couch and snuggled up close to him. And no more Josh. What the hell?

After some struggle the dogs let him sit up without biting, just more growling and a whimper. Jake is looking for the only face he knows in the place and sure, there is Josh sitting at a table with the tattooed mountain.

Josh sees that his new friend is awake and waves him over.

"Yo Jake, is Cath von D over here?"

Jake looks around, nope, no cats to be seen, just the big dogs and a bunch of kids, even if most of them seemed to have left.

"No…No cats."

Well what else can he answer.

At that the mountains shouts something and a girl comes in, and what a girl. She is wearing a golden bikini and really skin tight tights in the colors of the American flag. Jake wonders if that is even legal, to do that to the American flag. And she is almost just as covered in tattoos as the mountain, even has little stars on her face.

It is only when he notices Josh tensing up that Jake realizes that they are in deep shit. But too late to run. Before he has time to react he is sitting in a chair, his left shoe and sock on the floor and a tattoo machine humming. The pain is terrible, but the last thing he will do is give them the satisfaction of hearing him screaming or grunting. It doesn't last long though, soon he is the proud owner of a bright yellow smiley tattoo on his toe.

The next morning Josh and Jake make their way to the airport again. Both limping a bit, and a bit worse for wear. The weather has cleared up and there are going to be four flights to Dutch to get the backlog of annoying fishermen out of the airport.

Once on the plane Josh is still grinning, but Jake is less happy.

"Josh, please don't tell anybody about the tattoo, my parents are going to go ballistic if they find out."

And that is fine with Josh, this tattoo will stay a mystery. He is already relishing the possible reactions he will be getting. This will drive his little bro crazy.

feedback gives more updates. so review. PLEASE


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer, still don't own anything concerning deadliest catch.

This is a Christmas story, so if you only like reading Christmas stories around Christmas you might want to skip this one completely.

If you like a good laugh on the other hand than please read and review.

HLA Christmas.

"They want me to do what?" Hilde isn't screaming, she never has to, or hardly ever. She is much scarier if she isn't screaming.

Jake is trembling in his shoes none the less. He was so happy that she welcomed him home after King season that he nearly forgot what she was like in a rage. And to be honest he doesn't have a clue what she is so angry about this time. But he didn't understand the other times either.

"Baby, they just want you to dress up and sit still while holding Tahti. That's it. What's the big deal?"

Okay yeah, he is begging alright. But he has to, if Hilde refuses the big shots at Discovery Chanel are going to have his hide. And he is still trying to adjust to the idea of working on the Northwestern next Opie season. And it is everybody's guess what they would think up if Hilde won't play along.

"The big deal is that it is stupid, they want me to play somebody that never existed, and they want Tahti to play a guy in whose name more war's have been waged than for any other reason. That's the big deal."

By now Jake is really in full-blown begging mode. Groveling even.

"Please baby, just do it for me, PLEASE?"

He isn't beyond throwing his biggest weapon in to the fight. Those big brown pleading puppy dog eyes. And Hilde is only human and she loves him so she caves.

"Okay, I'll play Mary, but only because for you, not, and I repeat, NOT for those Bobo's at disco. Love you too."

And with that she gives Jake a big kiss, and Jake's world is spinning the right way again. He did his part of the work. The rest is for the others to take care off.

Phil isn't worried about getting Lindsy to play along. His worry is more getting her to not demand to be in on the event as one of the wise men from the east. Especially now it has been decided that he and the other captains are going to play the angel's, in those nice white dresses with the feather free wings and for Sig a mini dress so he can show off his nice golden haired legs. If he can get Sig to play along, that is. But let's be honest if anybody can it is him. The idea is that he first is going to just ask, and if that doesn't work he go for the worst case scenario that he cooked up with Johnathan over a bottle of Crown. The big idea is to claim it as a captains bet, that way they will all have to wear a mini dress but it would be worth it.

If anybody asked Phil's opinion the hard part is keeping Johnathan out of the mini dress. And trust me you don't want to see Johnathans legs in December. You really don't, but now first getting Lindsy to agree to go to LA with him for Christmas, and to play a sheep. That's it, Lindsy has to play a sheep. Now that is going to be a hard one to sell.

"Lindsy honey, remember that call I got from Disco?"

Lindsy just knows by looking at Phil that something is up, he has such a lousy poker face, and she just loves making him sweat.

"Yeah I know that call, but why?"

Phil is scraping his throat, a little nervous habit that is getting worse now he stopped smoking.

"Well they want us all to play in a nativity play. You know, and Hilde and Jake are going to play Joseph and Marie. Tahti is going to play baby Jesus. She just is the only little baby around."

Lindsy is starting to enjoy herself, she is just waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it will, that much is certain. And Phil is starting to sweating already. So instead of saying something, she is just watching and waiting, making a question mark with her eyebrows knowing that Phil hates it when she does that, he is always complaining that that makes him more nervous than being out at sea during a hurricane force storm.

"Yeah, and so we, that is the captains, we are playing the angel's. And Josh, Jake A, Lynn, Crosby and some others are playing the sheep. The older guys are playing the shepherds. Eddie, Freddy and Lenny, are playing the wise men from the east. And the question is if you can play a sheep as well?"

Okay he did it. Now all he has to do is keep his foot down and insist that she is playing a sheep and….

"Well okay, but instead of a sheep cant I play the donkey or something. I would be such an annoying sheep, trust me."

And that with a bit eat shit grin. So okay, maybe he will manage to survive this one. Now getting Sig to agree to playing angel, in a mini skirt.

Getting Sig into the playing Angel was deceptively easy, probably because he just happened to forgot the mini skirt part of the outfit. Oh well that is up to the dresser in Hollywood. She must know how to handle male diva's. Phil's word is absolutely perfect again. He is going to a nice warm place during December with his wife, kids and grandkid. All he needs now is some anti acids and more chewing gum. And maybe some sunscreen?

Los Angeles two days before Christmas.

"Bhee-Bhee-Bhee-Beeh-Bwach."

"That Better?"

It is clear the sheep aren't happy. Or more correctly the sheep are ready to start a mutiny. But then the guys are to be pitied. Sitting on hand and knees for hours now. Practicing their bleating. The shepherds are not much happier, and the angels are still trying to get the one in miniskirt out of the dressing room. And the language used is not what you would expect from a bunch of well behaved angels.

Little baby Jesus is starting to cry, bored and hungry after two hours in her uncomfortable manger. A long suffering yet resigned acting Mary takes the baby and tries to comfort her/him/her. (forget it) but it isn't working the only thing Tahti wants is food. So Hilde starts to fight the impossible outfit she is wearing so she can give Tahti her food.

All of a sudden the sheep stop bleating and fidgeting. The shepherds forget to take care of their sheep and the 'animals' and shepherds stampede the stable where Hilde is breastfeeding Tahti. Hilde is only paying attention to her baby. But the donkey is getting angry with all the uninvited sheep and shepherds and let's be honest a angry Lindsy is something to take into account.

"They are called breast guys. And they are supposed to feed baby's not for your enjoyment."

But before Lindsy has to get really offensive Jake notices what is going on. He was to focused on his girlfriend and baby, and to him the breastfeeding is normal by now. Only nobody ogles his girlfriends boobs without getting a black eye in the process so Jake starts fighting, Josh joins his brother. Sure he liked watching Hilde's boobs too, but the idea of others watching his little niece getting fed it out of bounds.

The sounds of the war raging in the stable gets the angel's attention and with Phil in the lead they storm into the fray and swing randomly at whoever they can reach. Norman getting transfixed by Sig his golden leg hair again, but hey that is an entirely different story.

Yeah Christmas, peace on earth and all that stuff.

Please review.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer, i dont own anything deadliest catch related.

Story is set after josh the lovesick puppy.

Reviews make me write more.

Honey, please, come on, you can't just do that.

Jumping back just in time Jake avoided getting the bathroom door slammed into his face. But he didn't give up. Sure, his brother in law wasn't his favorite person in the world. Definitely not now at this moment when the fool was fighting with his big brother. What had the unfortunate result that Josh was camping in his living room. And his house was already to small for two grownups and a baby. Only what Hilde and Lindsy where planning was something he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy.

Sitting down with his back leaning against the bathroom door Jake continued trying to talk some sense into his fiancé.

"Honey, really, you can't just show up and demand an explanation. Helmuth is a grownup, and let's be honest, if he had pulled a stunt like this when we first met you wouldn't have liked it either."

Yes the boy is learning, on geeks use logic, never mind that it is flawed logic. The door is pulled open all of a sudden and Jake falls back, hitting his head on the tiles with a thud, making him see stars for a bit. But he doesn't really mind that. At least Hilde is talking to him again, and she looks quite nice actually with those stars floating around her.

"You and me wasn't the same. I met your dad and brother the same day as I met you. And your dad was dating Lindsy at the time. We don't know anything about Helmuth's girlfriend and now Josh is here saying she moved in with him and he got kicked out. Not the same thing at all. And Lindsy thinks so too."

Well there was the clincher again. Lindsy said, Lindsy thinks. Jake is in the process of fast developing a strong dislike to Lindsy, the only reason he hasn't yet is because he knows it is a lie. His lovely Hilde is the instigator here, not Lindsy.

Hilde stalks out off the bathroom to her dressing room, it used to be his spare room for Josh or others to crash but the house is too small and Hilde needs a lot of room, so do baby's. She starts throwing clothes in her overnight bag, grumbling all the time. Part of the reason she is so mad is that Josh is crashing in her living room. She isn't happy to have to walk around his sleeping bag, or having to be quiet during the day because Josh is on a different sleep cycle as her and Tahti.

Not ready to give up just yet Jake tries another approach.

"And are you sure you trust me with Tahti for all that time? I don't even have Lindsy to fall back on. Because she will be in LA with you."

That gets a reaction alright but not the one he is looking for.

"Well, you're always telling me how good you are with her. Now prove it. And it's not like she is breastfeeding anymore. And I deserve a weekend off, I had to take care of her all by myself why you where playing at sea the first two months of her live."

Jake knows defeat when he sees it. Sure he could get angry and start screaming back that she kicked him out. That he wasn't exactly playing at the Bering sea. And so on. But that isn't going to help. So instead he is taking Tahti out for a nice long relaxing cooling off walk. Putting his happy gurgling daughter in her stroller and getting the diaper bag and box with fruit snacks and her bottle with dry formula, (he can always add water somewhere else) he heads out for a long, long walk. Tahti loves walking and Jake is going to do some betraying.

By the time he reaches the corner his once pure white i-phone is out ( it is imposible to keep anything white with a overactive 6 month old in the house) and he is calling Helmuth. Nobody deserves to wake up to those two furies on the war path without some kind of warning.

At the same time across town:

"Honey, please, come on, you can't just do that."

Phil was using his big baby blue eyes to get his way, and very often it worked like a charm. Or sometimes at least, but not today.

"I CAN'T WHAT ?"

Oeps, maybe not the best way to go. Phil is really cracking his brains to find the right arguments. Not his normal way of doing things. On the boat everybody just listens to him. Except his boys, but those he just threatens into submission, for five seconds or so.

"Look, give the boy some credit, he hasn't done anything really stupid yet, like getting his new girlfriend pregnant after knowing her for two weeks."

And muttering underneath his breath.

"Unlike that stupid son of mine."

Seeing Lindsy's eyes flashing he is making a brave recovery.

"Now don't get me wrong, I love Tahti, and Hilde is a great girl, but it is stupid. You have to agree to that, so why now interfere with her brother. He is happy and not doing anything too stupid. If it would make you feel better I will have a talk to him about safety and all that stuff."

That makes Lindsy laugh.

"Sure just like you have had with Jake, didn't seem to do him much good."

"Well no, but then my son is an idiot running on hormones, and Helmuth isn't."

With a rather fatalistic shrug.

And Lindsy has to agree with that.

"Yeah, okay, I give you that, but it isn't that I object to Helmuth having a girlfriend but why the rush and secrecy. Why didn't he call me or Hilde to brag about it. And fly over to introduce her to us?"

"Maybe because he isn't too sure yet, maybe he is still in the process of getting to know her himself and he doesn't want to share her with others yet. Or maybe because he knows that you are going to interfere. Really Lindsy, you are a pretty scary person if you want to be. Just remember what happened during Christmas last year."

Smiling at the fond memory of all those angels and sheep rolling all over each other Lindsy has to agree with her hubby. And at that point Phil's eyes are getting to her.

"Okay, no interfering or bullying, and I will give him a call to ask him if it is okay that we come over."

Giving Phil a big smile, followed by a hug and a kiss and a lot more. After about two hours Lindsy remembers the argument and smiling down on a very satisfied looking hubby she just has to ask.

"Happy now?"

And yeah, Phil is happy. The phone call to Helmuth unfortunately is completely forgotten.

Not that Lindsy would have been able to reach Helmuth at that time. Because Jake was calling.

Helmuth picked up with his now customary "Hello?"

And got a slightly out of breath "Run H Run."

"Jake? What's up? What are you talking about?"

It is hard to push a stroller with one hand going around a corner and talking on the phone at the same time. But Jake is getting better at multi tasking.

"I mean that Hilde and Lindsy are about to fly over, to chew you out about your new girlfriend. Where did you get the idea that you could keep her a secret anyway dude?"

"They know?"

Helmuth is sounding panicky enough.

"Yeah they know, what did you think would happen once Josh got here? First the idiot told Lindsy and now he is sleeping it off on my couch. What did you do to my bro anyway?"

Jake didn't hear anything for a bit and he was getting angry, how dare Helmuth hang up on him. then the fast panicky breathing registrated.

"Okay H, Breath. Slowly in and out. No hyperventilating now. And start talking."

A few seconds later Helmuth had his voice under control again.

"What is Josh telling? Is he telling everything about Maria? Did he tell she is one of the cleaners? I really love her you know. But she has to go back to her own country if she is ever caught. And I didn't think Josh would mind doing it so….."

A short silence. And Jake is trying to make sense of what he is hearing, and failing miserably. Then Helmuth is talking again.

"So. Wont you do it?"

"Do what?"

As stated before Jake is starting to know his geeks. And he isn't promising anything before he knows all the facts.

"Well cant you marry Maria, then she has her paperwork? Josh said he would think about it and then he disappeared. Jake? Jake?"

It was the cars honking that snapped Jake out of his stupor. He was standing in the middle of the road and his light was red by know. So hurrying along with Tahti he made it to the other side and took a bit to think.

"NO, I won't, have you gone crazy. I am going to marry your sister. And No Josh also isn't going to marry her. Why don't you do it yourself you stupid geek."

With that he shut of his phone and made a new call.

"Hey Lindsy, when do you fly, is there room for me?


	7. Chapter 7

Dont own anything that is deadliets catch related.

story is set about 4 years after the ending of HLA dating.

"Slumbeparty. That's what I want."

Jake is scratching his head completely bewildered. A Slumber party? He is pretty sure he never even went to one in his live. Sure he had been to party's that ended in somebody's bed. But slumbering wasn't what was going on after those parties. And since he got hooked up with Hilde even those didn't happen anymore.

"And what are we going to do at this slumber party?"

Tahti gave her delightful giggle, her daddy was so silly.

"We do hair and nailpolish, and I am going to wear my new green dress with the pink tutu from ballet. And Lindsy gave me a golden crown. I am going to be queen Titania."

Still not following Jake just got more confused. Hair? Nail polish? Pink tutu's?

"You want a slumber party for your half birthday? And who are you going to invite?"

Now Tahti was getting a bit upset, well she wanted to normal bunch for her half birthday. Silly daddy, he should know who always came to the half's.

"Uncle Josh, and Uncle Helmuth and aunt Maria and uncle JJ and granny Lindsy, and uncle Sig and aunt June and Nina and Mandy and uncle Edgar and aunt Louise and uncle Norman and uncle Jake and uncle Matt and aunt Angela and uncle Johnathan and uncle Andy and uncle Scotty and Mouse and you know, everybody."

That was what Jake was scared off. Everybody to Tahti's reckoning was a bunch of now for a part retired crab fisher men. And some still working. That was the reason they had the half birthday. Because she was born in the middle of kingcrab and so nobody could make it to her birthday they made a second one, the half that was in summer when everybody was home. The winter birthday was the children party, and the half was for the grownups. But a slumber party?

Looking for help to his wife and seeing her face, Jake already knew he was going to fight a losing battle, again. But he just had to try, only no game. Hilde her reaction was as he thought it was going to be.

"Sounds great Tahti a slumber party, and I love the fairy theme."

Hilde didn't even have to courtesy to not giggle.

Jake couldn't help himself, his spewed his beer all over his lovely daughter, what earned him a accusational Daddy. And the little imp went to change her clothes, again, since she learned how to dress herself she changed about 5 times a day, and if she got the chance even more. So every excuse worked for the imp. Jake wasn't happy about that, he had been trying to get her to keep it down to three changes. But at least he now had a moment to talk to his wife in private.

"Hilde. Fairy theme? Are you kidding? No way that the others are going to go along with it."

"Sure they will, it's not like they have to dress up in tutu's, there are male fairies. You could go as puck of pook hill, and Johnathan would make a great king Oberon."

He totally expected Lindsy to go back to Europe after Phil's unexpected death so shortly after the wedding, but Lindsy stuck around, first for Hilde and Tahti, and after about two years she somehow hooked up with Johnathan, a pretty open relationship but both seemed to like it. Jake couldn't suppress a shudder remembering how he found out about the deal between those two. But he has to concentrate on the real subject and not on Johnathan playing fairy.

"NO, No. Really not happening." Jake keeps shaking his head. "No fairies. Trust me on this one. Go for the ballet theme, make them all wear pink tutu's and tights'. But don't mention fairies."

Hilde is ones again completely confused about the strange idea's these Americans have.

"What's wrong with fairies. They are nice, right? Like the tooth fairy, you even have them in your own culture?"

Jake takes a deep breath and goes into explaining mode, it is rare these day's but sometimes the language is still causing havoc.

"Fairy is another word for gay, homosexual. And I don't think most of the guys would like to be known as fairies even if it is for just one day."

Hilde is starting to understand the problem, but it only gives rise to a new one.

"Are you telling me that you and your buddy's are a bunch of medieval homophobes?"

"No we're not homophobes, nobody is having any problems with JJ now are we. But there is a difference between being homophobe and dressing up as a fairy."

Jake is getting defensive, knowing full well that Hilde isn't going to give up. But he is in luck, Hilde doesn't feel like the endless discussions either.

"Well nobody is ever going to think you are gay." Pointing at her 6 month pregnant belly. It is the second one and this time Jake knows how to handle it. He has had a few more talks to the guy's during opilio, plenty of time during wheel watch, with him and Josh sharing the captains chair.

But Hilde is talking again and he really should be paying more attention, because this is how the whole slumbeparty got to be a done deal in the first place. Because he was wool gathering instead of paying attention.

"Well if the guys have a problem with being fairies, they can be elfs. Like in lord of the rings. Those elfs sure knew how to fight, so plenty of macho there."

"No, no elfs no fairies, just make it ballet."

"No, Tahti wants a fairy themed slumber party and that is what she is going to get."

"Tahti is four and a half, she will have forgotten about the fairy theme in two day's"

"No she won't she is a smart and very stubborn little girl, trust me on this one."

"She's going to have a very quiet half's party then. Because I don't think the guys will turn up."

Now Hilde is starting to get angry, nobody spurns an invitation by her daughter. The little imp has been drawing invitations for a week now.

"They better show up, or I will sick Lindsy on them."

With an evil grin.

And that makes Jake shudder again. Lindsy would be able to get most of them to either show up, or escape the country. He better get his moss colored tights pressed, let his hair grow out and buy nail remover and cotton wool in bulk. Because Tahti is going to have a fairy themed slumber party with a bunch of crab fisher men.

Please review, they make me write more.


End file.
